In a time where black lives matter and white supremacy is approaching a long awaited implode, interracial relationships remain as awkwardly taboo as Michael Sam kissing his boyfriend during the NFL draft. However, as the need for diversity continues to break down barriers of the status quo, love is rapidly being redefined. When it comes to re-reinventing the wheel, no one does it better than the gay community. In fact, the 2010 Census Bureau states there is a higher number of interracial couples than straight couples. Can you just feel the love? Yes, I do believe that love comes in all shapes in sizes. It’s a beautiful thing. But what happens when the conversation between the couple goes beyond skin deep? What happens when culture appreciation, racism, affirmative action, and “what to do when the cop pulls you over” conversations happen? How do you relate to your partner or expect empathy from someone who will never have your level of awareness on these topics? Better yet, should it matter?
Dominic was about 5’8”, medium-build, tapered cut, and unapologetically Puerto Rican. From the incredible sofrito verde dishes, to stories about mass, to his seductive syllables when using the beautiful language of Spanish, I was prepared to indulge in Mr. Dominic—full steam ahead! As our courtship progressed, we talked about a multitude of topics for hours on end. He was, as he put it, “infinitamente irresistible”. On a night where we were 45 minutes into a very entertaining conversation, I happened to scroll past CNN. They announced Officer Darren Wilson would not be indicted for the brutal lynching of teenager and soon to be high school graduate, Mike Brown. I was dumbfounded and numb. I must have went on a rant for what seemed like an hour. But what troubled me more was the silence I was met with. The chilling and emotionless silence from Dominic was stifling. I inquired with him to garner his opinions about the entire ordeal of black and brown people being disproportionately targeted by some police officers. The only response I received was a patronizing appeasement. That was not the time for a lack of substance from someone who’s just as likely to be some racist cop’s bullseye. I decided to end the call and call him another day once I gathered my thoughts. Unfortunately during a future conversation, nothing changed. I’m not sure if it was Dominic’s lack of interest in this topic or if he didn’t think this topic was noteworthy; I guess sometimes it does take a tragedy to re-evaluate the importance of the people in your life.
Brian was hardcore Brooklyn. Bedstuy baby, STAND UP! He made me feel very comfortable when we were out. He’d take my hand in his as we walked down Lexington Ave. He’d take his hand and gently caress the small of my back when I occasionally walked ahead of him. His fiery red hard and piercing green eyes made him the sexiest guy I had met in a while. I’ll admit, I find guys of German decent quite sexy. It’s just something about them I find enormously appealing. One evening, I decided to stay over in BK since he wanted to treat me to breakfast in the AM. The chemistry between us had been building; it was either now or never. We slowly peeled the layers of our clothes until we found each other’s hardness. As we laid parallel, I swear, with each second that went by we felt as if our souls were beginning to unite. Brian suddenly gets on his knees and aggressively flips me over in front him. He begins to massage me. “I can’t wait to put my white cock in your black hole!” There was a slight pause as I grabbed his hand. “What did you say,” I commanded! With hesitation he responded, “I-I-I can’t wait to my white co…wait wait! Where are you going?! Did I say something wrong?!”
There is a love I have for humanity that is unmatched to the love I have for any other life form on this planet. As I mature as a man, I find true love comes patience, understanding, and wisdom of self-love. Sometimes, we can get ourselves into situations with men which lead to uncomfortable circumstances and awkward moments. For me, I’ve learned I not only want to be with a guy who empathizes with me after a long day’s work, but can also empathize with the challenges of being the only black man in my company and when something goes missing, you are the one who gets the side eye—FIRST. I’ve learned I not only want to be the object of a man’s affection without being objectified. I’ve learned that in order for a man to be with me and fully commit to me, he must know and understand my view of self, but also how I am viewed in society. How many people are willing to go through such intense discovery as a couple? Hell, is it too much to even ask? I find interracial dating may make this process exceedingly difficult as both people live in two alternate realities based on social constructs. But if you find a man willing to do whatever it takes to understand you and would even go as far as to genuinely ask you to help him understand you in ways he doesn’t, YOU BETTER GO FOR IT! Those are the kind of relationships we all want to be in.
I love a good “for better or worse!” Who wouldn’t?! After all, if you find those qualities in someone who just so happens to be of a different race again I ask, should it matter?