The Ex Files (Part 2): I Just Had Sex With My Ex


Getting out of a relationship can be interesting. Break ups can be very tough. Anger builds. Frustration sets in. You’ve just made a hard core decision to cut him out of your life forever. But then, just when you thought you’d be a man about your shit, that untimely urge kicks in. A nut becomes your necessity. New dick isn’t as always as appealing as it seems and hookups are—let’s just be clear…”so 90s” to say the least. But for those who have ever been through a break up before, there is something erotic and oh so hot about sex with an ex.

Roderick had just broken up with his boyfriend. Naturally, I was the first person he called. “Bruh…what do I do? We live together and neither one of us want to leave. Besides, you know how hard it is to find an apartment in short notice in The City, right?” I responded in a very matter-of-fact manner, “In Midtown, it’s about who you know and you obviously don’t know the right agents—I’ll send a couple your way but don’t rush to make any moves until we discuss this over dinner!” Roderick and his boyfriend split after being in a relationship for eight years. I admired their relationship. They seemed so in love and compatible. At the time, their relationship was the definition of relationship goals before it became a popular term. Their chemistry alone would make any straight guy’s dick hard. I would hear about how hard it was to find an ideal relationship and theirs contradicted every erroneous theory. When we met for dinner, Roderick confided in me the passion he once had in his relationship was no more and unfortunately, I had to agree with him. Roderick and his partner decided to cut their losses after years of being in love.

Just six weeks later, I received a call from Roderick asking me to meet him at the Starbucks at Columbus Circle. He apparently needed to speak with me immediately about a decision he made with his partner. “BRUHHH…OK. I know you’re gonna be mad yo”, he says as I greet him with a hello. “Mad at what?…and what’s up dude? How are you?” I responded. “Andrè and I slept together last night and I think we are going to get back together,” he interjects. I am not sure what it is with gay men, but all it takes is a nut for us to become otherworldly irrational. “BRUH…it was the best sex I think I ever had!”, he admits. “OK..let’s walk through Central Park and I need the absolute low down.”, I respond inquisitively as I observed and felt the sexual tension released from Roderick. “So we both knew we weren’t going to get back together but we had to see each other. There are moments we both felt low and uneasy, but our history together only provided us with the opportunity to let our guards down that evening. It was raining last night and when I texted him, he responded within seconds saying he also wanted to see me. I came by and picked him up and we literally drove around Harlem for almost an hour just holding hands and talking. I’m not sure what or why the cause of our breakup but we cleared up with any feelings of abandonment through our lovemaking. I brought him back to my place and asked him to wait in the living room. I headed to the bedroom and bathroom to light candles, sprinkle the rose petals, ran the bubble bath, started the jets, and put on some Nina Simone. As I made my way to the living room, babe was completely naked laying on the couch. No conversation necessary. His ass was still as round and firm as I dreamed about for the past six weeks. I ran my finger down his hole yo…he was already creaming. I kissed him. He sucked my nipples and grabbed my joint. We caressed each other. I put my hands on his waist and guided him down the hall to our bed. As I dropped my robe, he fell along with it and started suckin’ my head yo. He took his time with it yo. His took his time. He had my dick so hard yo, I picked his ass up and flipped him on the bed…head down, ass up. I started tongin’ the shit out his ass. I sucked his hole yo like he owed me money. He knew he was about to get it. I kissed him, laid him back, slid in that pipe. I stroked that hole good yo. I had to give him the D like I really wanted him to know I loved him, you feel me? We cuddled the whole night without falling asleep. I love him. I never stopped loving him. I don’t know. After I dropped him off, I still feel like we never resolved why we broke up. We just…had sex bruh. Where are we right now?”

There was a lot of advice I gave Roderick after his decision to overshare an experience I have loved to be a fly on the wall to observe. The truth is, when it comes to an ex, a study by the University of Wisconsin and Bowling Green State University claim unmarried couple break up and get back together more than married couples. So this practice is quite common. It’s why I also recommend anyone who has ever gotten out of a long term relationship to wait a long while before another serious commitment. The truth is, Roderick never wanted to break up with his partner; he simply wanted space. That can be tough to tell someone. Usually, requesting space from your partner leads to a break up. That can be a delicate approach to anyone involved. In fact, I recommend sex with your ex after a break up. A break up is never an overnight process. Each person has to be waned off the sexual part of the relationship and it also deserves to be mourned. After all, it is much safer than sleeping with a guy you do not know and being put at risk for fatalities much worse than a one night stand. At least with your ex, you know exactly what you are dealing with. Sex with your ex can be a safe, familiar, and act of pleasure to transition you to your next relationship. Proceed wisely and cautiously.


2 thoughts on “The Ex Files (Part 2): I Just Had Sex With My Ex

  1. Love can be an elusive beast. It takes forever to catch. And once you do, if your grip should ever falter, you may never catch it again. My ex (my first love) has been pursuing me on the sly for the better part of six years. He has apologized profusely for his transgressions over that time. I know he is sincerer. But for me, its like looking for water in a dry well. There was a time when I loved him past the universe. We got along great. The sex was awesome. I trusted him. I would have given my life for his 20 times over. But for me, the first cut was a mortal wound. I am not even mad at him; haven’t been for a very long time. I know that most people would have given 1 or 2 or many chances. I just can’t seem to figure out the secret to that. I just can’t seem to capture lightning in the same bottle.

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  2. I ended my relationship with my ex after finding out that he cheated on me. Collected the necessary data, and within a few days I had been interrogating him without him even knowing it. Presented my information to him, and looked at the glazed over/deer in the headlights look on his face, and I just left. Never to speak to him again for at least two years. When I did see him it was as if I was looking at three people behind him. Disrespect me and I will clear ALL browser history regarding you, and then there was that time I was home for Thanksgiving five years later. A text turned into a two-hour text conversation, and on to a “…you know what time it is text?” As I tried to end the call there was an invite, and a quick “No”, to a “…I can’t be up all night with you”, to a “…I’m not sleepy though, I can hangout for a bit.” Basketball shorts, condom in the pocket (just in case something jumps off); we literally talked for five minutes. BEST WORK he and I had done! I was making a lasting statement, and by the time he returned from the bathroom with a towel, I had my used rubber and wrapper in my hand, discarded it in the trash and was standing by the door in the hall waiting to walk out. Felt accomplished, as if I just “put it on his mind” for future reference. He said there was no rush, but I wasn’t staying over.

    So this does happen, and did a couple (2) more times thru the years. I think because it was comfortable to both of us; the next time he called I went ahead and put a stop to that as nothing was going to come of it as trust had been broken, and I was looking for something a bit more stable.

    Liked by 1 person

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