(Racially) Profiled While Dating


You guys remember Malcolm right? Right, exactly. He’s the guy I wrote about in the post called “The Dysfunction of DL Men.” He was the type of guy that had a street swag yet kept a corporate appeal. He kept me on my toes during in the dating phase. I never knew what to expect. But I noticed the looks we received when we would hang out that were very cautious and guarded. Malcolm was tall, very muscular, and had a menacing look that would even intimidate Hitler. I must admit, it was thrilling to see how people would bow at his aura. But with the misplaced fear America seems to have with black men, it worked both for and against our favor as a couple.

It was a crisp fall night and Malcolm had just arrived back in town from a week long business trip. “So what do you wanna do tonight baby?”, he asked. I excitedly responded, “Dinner…and pool! Let me kick your ass in a good pool game!”. We loved to shoot pool. It was our other stress reliever next to mind-altering sex. Dinner was amazing! We laughed and talked about life! We talked as if we hadn’t seen each other in weeks. “Let’s get out of here.”, he says. We were both excited to conclude the evening as we both knew what would happen once he turned the key to his front door. As we headed to play pool, I noticed this beautiful lake that seemed very peaceful and quaint. It was filled with streams and statuesque figures. “Pull over babe! Let’s go check out that lake.”, I suggested. “Man, I don’t wanna go to know gottdamn lake. Let’s just go play some pool.”, he responded. And since I always got my way with him, it was only a moment’s notice before we pulled over.

As we got out of the car and approached the entrance to the lake, he grabbed my hand as if the moment had taken over his reluctance to visit the lake. It was magical. I saw a menacing demeanor transform into a romantic, affectionate man. Damn, it’s amazing what a full moon and a hard dick will do to a man. The same warm moment we shared at dinner had elevated to a place I didn’t know we could experience. As we walked and observed the structures while approaching the lake, I couldn’t help but notice how he was taking it all in. This truly was bliss. He grabbed my arm and we sat down on the dock.
We stayed silent for a few moments. “Suck my dick babe.”, he says as there isn’t a moment that passes where he misses an opportunity for a joke. We laughed and kissed. “Hey guys. Is there a reason you are here this late at night?”, the officer asked. I responded in an assured manner, “We didn’t think there was a time restraint. This is an open area in a public space, not private. We’re not breaking any laws; we’re just sitting here enjoying this space.” The officer abruptly interjected, “I’ll determine what’s appropriate. Show me your license and identification”, he demands. As I write this, I can’t help but relive what it is like to endure the ignorance of people who do not have a true intention to protect and serve, but only to insult and harass tax paying citizens who contribute much more financially significant ways to society than they ever could imagine. As he confiscated both our licenses, he instructs us to sit on the curb almost as if we are detained. Back up arrives. He calls over Malcolm. “Sir, what’s going on?”, I ask. He ignores every single inquiry. “What are you doing here? Why are you outside of your county?” “How do you know him?” I can hear them repeated grill Malcolm. It was heartbreaking to watch them demean and emasculate him over what was a quiet, romantic evening. The cop approach me to interrogate me. He asked me the same questions and I replied. “OK. I’m gonna let you guys go, but this guy has a record. You seem like a young, smart guy. You don’t wanna ruin your life hanging out with him.” And in the same tone as what he originally gave me I also replied, “I determine what’s appropriate.” As he sashayed off, it was another time I have been grateful to God never to have this cancer of a cop enter my cypher again.

“Are you OK baby?”, I asked. “I mean, I told you let’s just go shoot pool. C’mon…let’s go home”, he replied in the most defeated way. It was a long ride to Malcolm’s 5,500 sg ft home. He was filled with despair, desperation…rage. We both were. How is it that you can pay your debt to society and be reminded of it by the poisonous individuals that’s supposed to protect you? We knew that all cops weren’t bad cops just like all black people weren’t criminals. But it can’t be that ironic those ideals counteract act those notions coincidentally just at the right time. It sucks to see a man broken; especially when he did nothing to deserve it. The man I saw him become that night, I never saw a return to that level of vulnerability during the time we dated. Although the cop didn’t take his life that evening, he killed his spirit in a way. And in some way, in order for me to be at peace with never seeing that vulnerability from him again, I had to give what we went through that night and what I witnessed from Malcolm a eulogy. In that moment, I learned a couple things: no one has the power to MAKE YOU FEEL anything or a certain way. You control that narrative. The second lesson learned is that karma is a BEAST and even now as I am writing this article, I can feel a sense of balance in knowing somewhere, the cop’s spirit is restless and in cosmic purgatory. What comes around goes around and that…makes me smile. And hopefully…somewhere, so is Malcolm.


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