It is said: “...there is one top to twenty-five bottoms“. In places like Atlanta and New York, there may as well be one top to seventy five bottoms as metropolitan cities are a pinnacle playground for the kids near and far. But when it comes to meeting a good man, if you don’t put yourself out there, you will never meet anyone. And as we all know, you have to kiss way more frogs than necessary to find a prince. In an age of internet dating, clubs, pool halls, house parties,..and hell, even book stores, there are just too many forums filled with both desirable and undesirable men. For the serious at heart and if you are really interested in meeting a quality guy, where do you go to meet a good man?
Jonathan had just moved to DC. Although his excitement for a newer city had presented a shift in his enthusiasm, he wasn’t exactly thrilled to sift through a city of new prospects. Washington, D.C. is a city filled with attractive, professional men who have a drive and dedication to climb the corporate ladder. A city filled with men who are all about “the corporate title” and even more about what you intend to do next. As an executive himself, this was not a challenge for Jonathan. But being from Philly, corporate titles wasn’t exactly an “interest worthy” conversation. He was all about, “can you make me laugh?”, “can you talk about things other than Beyonce?”, and “can you make his toes curl?” just by having a stimulating conversation. Sure, he knew he’d meet a quality guy, but who the hell has patience to tolerate the bad ones? Although he wasn’t in a rush to find someone, he knew that companionship was something at some point he would need—and settling for less will eventually puts you back in the rat race.
“Hey…what’s up?”, Jonathan asks. I respond in a quick, breathy tone, “Just walking in and putting away the groceries. SO…HOW’s DC?! I’m sure you have been on at least two dates by now.” “Meh…not so much. I just…I don’t know.” he responds. “What is it you don’t know? You’ve been in DC for three months now. Surely you would’ve met someone just going about your normal routine. You know how easy it is to meet guys, J.”, I inquired with a sense of disbelief and concern. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. But I’ve been doing my thing, I just don’t know what I am doing wrong. I mean, I go to the gym, I go about my routine. I even did the online thing—still nothing. I don’t know if this is gonna work out for me.”, Jonathan says. “OK..stop being dramatic. This is a slump and every dating scene has one. It’s not you. You know that. It’s a numbers ‘game’. Just like anything else: If you don’t put yourself out there enough, you won’t get anything in return. Think about it like a garden. Think about all the things you have to put into for it to grow: the seeds, the proper soil, water…all that BS that goes into it. That’s how you have to approach your dating life. It is like a ‘game’ per se. Not because you are looking to toy with your emotions or anyone else’s. But you have to approach it like you’re having fun. Think about all the things you like to do for fun. Just do them. They will come. It also won’t be a ‘chore’ for you because you are investing time in an arena that serves you. Meeting someone will be the icing on the cake.”, I advised in an encouraging tone. “Yeah.. guess you’re right.” he says. I quickly applied in a sarcastic tone, “What do you mean ‘you guess?’”. We both laughed and continued to catch up on life as we knew it.
Just three weeks later, Jonathan began to date a guy who gave him excitement, cerebral stimulation, and the courage to be himself in ways he hadn’t known before. They dated for quite some time before breaking up as both their schedules just couldn’t support the growth of their relationship. This relationship also gave him the courage to continue to make himself available to men while doing the things he’d like to do as a hobby. After all, this is an essential practice when meeting guys who are worthy of a call back for a potential date. Jonathan made a list of all the things he liked to do: hiking, shopping, wine tasting, travel, Sunday brunch, poetry jam sessions. Next, he’d do some research on singles events for the things he’d enjoy doing and found it to be an excellent strategy to meet men. Not only were they winners, but they’d have at least one common activity they could bond over. And we know a couple that has fun together with a shared hobby, the chances of staying together increase exponentially. After all, who doesn’t want to have fun with their partner, right? And as for Jonathan, what is he up to these days? Well…ironically, he’s picked up a hobby of window shopping at luxury car dealerships.
I guess some things NEVER change.