Ask Shaka: Live In Lovers

Shaka,

My man! I got a question for you my friend. There is this guy I recently met and he seems to be a really good and genuine guy. I really have spent the past couple of months getting to know him and I think I am falling for him. I want to take our relationship to the next level and make it official by moving in together. I have never lived with another guy before and I am curious as to how if this is going to work. I am really nervous but I really like this guy and I think it is worth the risk. Tell me. Do you think I am making the right decision or do you think it is too soon after dating for three months?

–MD., 42
Atlanta, GA

MD,
First let me say, congratulations on finding someone new. I know for me, in the past when I met new guys, there was this “butterfly effect” where we just couldn’t get enough of each other. Each moment just seemed magical and we were magnetic in so many ways. So, I know exactly how you feel. Moving in together with someone you’ve only known for three months is a very risky move. The truth is, anytime you share intimate space with someone is always a gamble. But the test is, how much are you willing to gamble with each other’s future if you are wanting to “play house” with someone you’ve known for about 90 days? There is a lot to explore. There is also a lot on your plate if you are wanting to use this opportunity to move in together as a chance to make your relationship official. Also, how does he feel about it? Who’s idea was it to share a space? Was it a mutual decision? How does he pay his bills and have you noticed his financial habits enough to feel comfortable sharing household expenses? There are a lot of questions to be asked considering how much can you really know about someone to feel comfort being in a relationship and sharing a space in three months. You do have the benefit of being of a particular age and allowing everything you’ve learned so far to navigate your decision. Use that as a compass to determine if this is something you should be doing so soon. If your gut is telling you it is too soon, then it is. Revisit this idea in another year after having the conversation with him about your hesitation. If he is game for waiting 
another year, then he sounds like a keeper. Enjoy this time together and have fun getting to know him independent of living together. You can still visit each other’s homes and stay the night until an adequate amount of time has taken place!
Good luck to you both!

Shaka Hasani

2 thoughts on “Ask Shaka: Live In Lovers

  1. Dudes who do this, too easily, make me nervous…and I don’t trust nudes, with out a head on them. Funny, you can get nudes quicker than people’s faces in some instances…and then you have to wonder if it’s THERE body! Also, I don’t send nudes, so I don’t like people sending me something and expecting me to reciprocate…cause it’s not going to happen. My other issue with nudes, is, if the person is really interested or serious about growing something…

    Liked by 1 person

  2. It’s hard indeed. I’m single because my standard seem to be high. I have offers, but I haven’t found anyone that is willing/able to meet my requirements,wants,expectations.

    Please not automatically think, he’s being picky, etc…

    I met a dude, who showed me interest. i took the initiative and took him out. The follow up has been extremely laborious. They never seem to have time to meet. The excuse is always, they have to work. I understand that, but even the Lord rested on the Seventh-day. So they claimed they did the same. Well on their seventh-day, they were still working, and didn’t care to make any time to see me, after already putting me off several times in a row. But still occasionally they will call me? The last time they called me, I let them know I was at work and would call when I was free. I called back, and they didn’t even answer or text back. Really?!

    Dudes play too many games. And the funny ironic part? I met the same dude several years earlier, and they claimed that I didn’t give them a chance, which I found surprising, because they are attractive. So I see that i contacted them, they didn’t respond…and several years, later, THEY are still doing their same shenanigans! lol

    Liked by 1 person

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